Coming Out – when oppressions collide?

brown grrrl here.

trans boy and i recently discussed whether or not he wants to come out to my whole family.  he’s come out to my mom (and got a surprisingly beautiful reaction) and had initially thought that was enough.  i’ll let him go into details of what’s informing his rethinking his past decision and just say that he is, in fact, rethinking it.  of course, i’ll support whatever decision he wants to make.  what i find difficult is giving him input when he asks for it.  i really don’t know.

my family is indian.  to my mother, me getting married isn’t just a cause for celebration – it’s proof that she did her job as a mother, which is the most important job she’s ever had.  to her, it’s validation from her family that her daughter is a worthy, good person.  what would mean to her if trans boy was out to my whole family?  what would the reprecussions be?  some family members wouldn’t come to the wedding.  she may be ostracized by others.  when hers is an identity and culture that’s so marginalized in canada, it’s not as easy as saying, “fuck that!”  if i was white, i wouldn’t care about any of that… but like a previous post discussed, this marriage is bringing up a lot of internalized racism that i thought i had already dealt with.  how do i address that while simultaneously holding my partner’s identity in the way it deserves to be held?

does honouring my mother clash with honouring trans man?



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