first post – trans boy

It’s Sunday morning, brown grllll and I just finished up some pancakes (gluten free) and now she lay beside me wrapped in red silk blanket, resting her eyes, as she says.  The last two months have been a whirlwind of excitement, words of gratitude for the love we have found, proclamations, planning and meeting each others peeps.  Repeatedly,  we look at each other and wonder in amazement at all that has changed for us in these short seven weeks.

At dinner with my brother, his wife and almost two year old, we were discussing how many people were going to be at the wedding (something like 300 plus) my sister in law looked at me with a glimmer and laughed, saying something along the lines of , “well who knew you would have such a big wedding”.  Anyone who knows me would testify that I’m not one to seek the attention of more than one or two people at a time.  Then she said, “well you never know who you are going to meet.”

I have to admit sometimes this all seems so surreal, but so good and so right.  I love brown grllll so deeply and we we fit in every way.   I have never felt more comfortable or more nurtured or felt so much room for my continued growth.   I never thought I would get married and I certainly NEVER thought it would be a three day affair with over 300 guests!

brown grlll has told me from the beginning how she realized how important a wedding was for her mom,  and it’s not like I feel she went and found me and planned to marry me to make her mom happy.  I knew from the beginning that I wanted to share my life with this amazing person and by all accounts she felt the same way.  Life seems to have a flow these days, and there’s nothing I can do, or would want to do to change it.   I LOVE to see how excited she is getting about the preparations and the day!  It feels rich, it feels like abundance and although she said she doesn’t think it is radical – I do!   I love the connections her and her mom have over the preparations!  I love how warm and welcoming her mom has been towards me.

I’m recalling a few days ago, when brown grlll was talking with her mom and they were getting a bit heated in a playful sort of way about the wedding details.  Suddenly I could tell by the one end of the conversation that bg’s mom wanted to talk to me.  I broke into a slight sweat heart rate accelerating and nodded my head with the universal indicator.  I’m not here.   Brown grlll said, “oh mom, he is almost asleep you can’t talk to him.”  Her mom replied, ” no he isn’t.”  I had no choice, and answered the phone.   There was a brief conversation about reminding brown grllll about the budget and that it was only a one day event.  I said I would knowing full well this was all way out of my hands!   The funniest part is that from what I understand culturally, me living with brown grlll isn’t exactly kosher Indian etiquette, but her mom assumed I was there at 9:30 pm and didn’t bat an eye that I might have been sleeping there.

Well there it is…I’ve broken the proverbial blog ice.  Now it’s time for some cuddles.

(ooh- I forgot to mention that when I told my bro and family about the date for the wedding, they informed me with some laughter, that this was my nieces birthday.  brown grlll seemed somewhat  mortified and offered to throw in a birthday cake.  Well – I can’t be expected to keep track of every detail..)


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